Making rounds a christmas....

I have a feeling this was the last no pressure holiday round up. Next year, I do believe that we will be busier and crazier than ever....and I am not sure how I feel about it. I know that there will be lots of expectation next year being our baby's first christmas. Our holidays always are a little hectic, just because both our families have their parties and gatherings around the same time every year. It was nice however to get waited on by everyone, even though I told them I could do things myself.
We spent Christmas Eve starting at Josh's grandpas house for wonton soup and party trays. After an eventful opening of the gifts, in which my dear niece decided to blast me in the face at point blank range with a wad of wrapping paper,(and yes I did cry because I wasn't paying attention and she really hit me hard in the face...but you cannot yell at a 5 year old on Christmas when everyone is throwing paper at each other) we left to visit my Aunt and Uncle. Since this was the first real Christmas without my Grandma, and because my mom so generously hosted Thanksgiving for the family, they had a wonderful party for us all. We had a blast, stayed really late, and decided that even though it is never going to be the same it was good to have a new holiday tradition with our family.
On Christmas day we woke up relatively early, after having put out gifts the night before for my MIL, and waited for them to arrive to open gifts. As usual, they were late, but thankfully no paper was thrown during this gift exchange. After all the fun we left to visit with my mom, and to take our gifts over to exchange at her house. It was a pretty relaxing day, but we have decided that next year because of the addition to our family, we will be hosting Christmas day for all of our family. It is a lot of work for my mother, and as it will be our first christmas with our baby, as well as our first christmas alone in our house, we thought it would be fun.
On Saturday, we had our final Holiday party. The other side of Josh's family had a large gathering at the retirement complex where his grandma lives. It was quite fun, despite my aching back (more on that in the coming days) but as usual there was a little bit of drama.
We are now relaxing as my Sister in law and niece go back to Virginia with my in-laws...definitely time for a long winters nap. As this post is being written at 4 AM, I am beginning to suspect that there might be very little actual napping going on for me.
This was however a bittersweet Christmas for me as my last grandparent passed away on Saturday afternoon, having spent a couple of months in Hospice care. I knew that she was ill, however I did not think that she would pass for a little while. It really threw me off guard. This now means that my sisters and I are the last of our immediate family from my father's side. Grandma V., you will be missed greatly, but I know that Dad and Grandpa and Uncle Mark were all there to greet you home! We love you.

Pregnancy insomnia and dry skin

I have come to believe that pregnancy insomnia is a work of the Devil himself. Why in all that is holy in this world would someone torment a very tired and hormonally imbalanced woman with insomnia? I was wide awake last night, unable to sleep a wink. So I sat for hours in the dark on the interwebs, trying to bore myself into a deep deep slumber. I eventually did get to sleep, but it didn't last long. I spent a long long night tossing, turning, and unfortunately waking up my husband one too many times.

I also never realized that pregnancy would zap my body of all moisture. I am constantly applying lotion and cream, I have insanely itchy skin, and no matter how much I drink, no matter how cool the water I shower in is, or how infrequently I do shower, I am in misery. If I make it through this winter and have any skin left, I will dance a freaking jig. On a positive note, my hair and nails look fabulous!! So that I can be thankful for!

I have an appointment on New Years Eve, early early in the morning. Just a check up. Then in January we go in for the Big U/S. Don't get your hopes up though, we are keeping things a secret!

Another doctor appointment today!

Today I had another appointment with the OB. I was seeing another doctor in the practice because my doctor was on vacation. I was a little nervous...I had never seen any other doctor besides my own, but she was awesomely wonderful. She answered all my questions and gave me some ideas to help with my sinus congestion. She tried to find le bebe's heartbeat with a doppler, but it was a no go....which means another u/s for me!! I lie down on the table and the tech starts the u/s. Every time she would move the wand over my tummy and press down to get a good picture of the baby, s/he would kick and wiggle and spin away. It was like there was a "no pictures please" sign in there. The little one is becoming more like me all the time, definitely camera shy. I was doing all I could not to crack up...and now I am counting down the time to where I can feel those kicks and moves. I got my next appointment scheduled, and the big u/s scheduled....I cannot wait for January!! Going to be sooo exciting!

Damn it is cold in here!

Seriously I cannot wait until this weekend when DH can put in the new digital thermostat. I am hoping it will help keep the temperature more consistent....I am now layering at home....and I never ever layer. I am too fat for multiple clothes. It is crazy in here with the temperature control. The worst part of the deal is that eventually I will get too warm, and then I will start to get nauseous. Spending the better part of your day feeling like you are going to freeze to death or vomit is not a good feeling.

Gosh and I was doing so well.

Not feeling horrible, not having any adverse issues....and then today I started having some palpitations...and no silly nurse lady I know I am too early to feel the baby move, it was my heart palpitating. So she double booked me an appointment to see my doctor, and now I am feeling pretty nervous. I am sure that things are fine, and maybe this was just a fluke or some random thing, but I cannot help but feel uneasy. So tomorrow I will go in and see what she has to say. We have also gone to St. V's and toured the facility, and tonight we are going to Toledo. I wanted to do this early so I didn't feel rushed to make a decision later. I am not sure this is going to be an easy decision, but I will feel better once I see both units and weigh all the options.

So now I am pissed off.

I really have had it with being in this house. My in-laws are dragging ass on getting prepared to move. They were supposed to move in two weeks, but now it has been pushed back until December. And there is no sign of packing to be seen. There are countless boxes of junk in closets and whatever that could be gone through and disposed of....but no movement whatsoever. It is really getting frustrating. I sometimes think that now that the plans have been set, they have changed their tune, and don't really want to move. I know I sound like a whiney brat, but I feel like I have been very patient, it is hard having 4 adults in one space. This is just a hard time right now being so close to having a home of my own, and having to wait.

Otherwise things have been alright. I have had my good days and my not so good days. Morning sickness is a cruel joke and a term made up by a man to trivialize the issues of pregnant women. I have been sick all day long, an underlying nausea that tags along with me everywhere I go. I have tried every trick in the book, and while there are a few that help curb the feelings, it never goes away completely. I thought I liked ginger, but in reality, not really. But damn it if it doesn't seem to help me. I know that it could be much worse, but I look forward to the day when I can wake up without feeling like harfing every moment. LOL

A picture!

It's a little person in there, and he or she is doing great! They checked the heartbeat and it was 170, which is good. The doctor said everything was great, and I go back in 4 weeks.

Ok so I am a horrible blogger.

But really you need to cut me some slack, I never thought I would ever have a reason to be blogging in the first place. So I have to tell you about the appointment on Monday. We got there, and like I figured, we got right in to see the Ultrasound lady, and we had our first look at the little monkey. There was definitely a little blip in there, but it was so tiny that she was unable to give us a due date. Therefore, I go back in two weeks for another u/s and hopefully by then we can see the heartbeat and see more of the little bean. Even though she assured me that it was probably fine, I cannot help but feel nervous about things until I see the heartbeat flashing up on the screen and she can get a good date on our little person in there. The doctor saw me after we sat for a million hours (or so it seemed) and after we had talked with the billing lady about the joy of paying the bills. Good thing we have insurance. I am already on watch for gestational diabetes, and had to have a 1 hour glucose test done, as well as my initial prenatal testing. I have a feeling no matter what I do, I will end up with GD and be higher risk. That however does not mean that I am not trying to follow all the rules and eating (mostly) healthy. My husband was a trooper, and sat with me the whole appointment...even the icky parts..haha. He did blanch a little when I asked him (as he was pacing about in the little room) not to go near the table where they had the pap test things lying out for the doctor. I did not expect him to stay, I was going to have him go out in the waiting area, but he kept rather busy writing down the answers to the questions that we had for the doctor.
It was a long day and by the end of it I was ready to pass out. Thank heavens for a decent night sleep.

Since I said I would do it....

Thats right...I am pregnant. Although most of you all know this, because there are not many people who know about this blog. But I promised to update here and start my pregnancy blogging. I am 6 weeks pregnant today. I have been super tired, and just recently have been feeling sick during the day. J. my hubby is way too excited, and well to be truthful, so am I. This was cycle three in which we were really really hoping to conceive and it happend. Monday is my first appointment and after I go and talk to the doctor, I will post another update.

I have been thinking...

I never like to really put my beliefs out there because I do not like the conflict that can sometimes ensue when you have passionate people around you who may not believe as you do. But I have come to the realization that this is my blog, and I can post what I want to. So there..haha. Anyway, J. came across this somewhere and I found it to be quite interesting. It goes fast so if you are a slow reader you may want to follow the suggestion to use the pause button during the video. I hope that it at the very least makes you think...I do not want to get into a debate over who is the better person, because I have my belief and you have your own, and no matter what we say to each other the chances are we wont change either of our minds. So watch it or don't, comment or don't, either way, I wanted to put it out there.

Boring life

So there is nothing going on now in my life that is blog worthy. Maybe I should start making things up. Tomorrow is my weight check and I lost weight, but didn't bring in the big numbers like the past two months. I feel really bad about that, like I should have done more. There's not much I can do about it now, but I still feel kinda "failureish."
J. has been working so hard his boss is making him leave by three on friday, so Yay for early start to the weekend. Everyone at his work seems to really like him there, and he apparently has been impressing everyone with his work. I am so proud of him and how he has really taken to his job. It is hard to imagine that he has only been there since April.
Nothing much new on the "home" front. But my patience is wearing thin. I know that we need to save money and all that, but I seriously have some concerns about staying here much longer. Another winter in this damp house is not going to be good for my health. The bathroom downstairs is attrocious, and moldy. I don't even like to think about the bathroom too much.
Well for not having anything to say this is quite a post....

CD1 where are you???

I saw the monumental temp drop today, and the spotting, show your ugly face already and let me move on to the next cycle....so I can be hopeful again.
Life seems so dismal right now. I have hit a weight loss plateau and I feel like it is all my fault. I dont know how much more I can do to get myself back on track, I guess everyone goes through it but sometimes it is so discouraging. I had horribly depressing time at Cedar Point the other day, I walked and didn't complain, but I had to get off a couple rides because I couldn't buckle the belts. Talk about embarrassing. I was humiliated, and discouraged, I really felt worse for J. He was so excited about going, and had to spend most of the day riding roller coasters all alone. I had an ok time, but it would have been better if I had been able to experience it with my husband more.
On the plus side, I get to spend the weekend away. A weekend at my sisters house can feel like a month, it is so relaxing...quiet and serene. Just the kind of place I need right now. And she has a treadmill, so I will be able to walk, even if I cannot work out for a few days.

Speaking of working out, I am going to get ready to work out, maybe that will help lift my mood.

So little to talk about.

My life has been pretty standard these past few days and I really have had nothing of note to talk about. My chart finally has come to the conclusion that I ovulated on CD21. Much to my relief. It makes more sense and I am happy that I am finally in the real TWW (two week wait).
We are spending the next few weeks dog sitting for various people...and it is awesomely wonderful. My sister and her husband are going away for their 1 year anniversary next week and we are going to stay with the dogs and take care of them. It is like 25 minutes away from Ann Arbor, and J. will get to see just how lovely it is to not have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to get ready for work. Then after they get home we have to leave immediately to come home and watch the dog, because MIL and FIL are leaving to go to Virginia. This will be the first time in a very long time that both of them are going to visit SIL, and I couldn't be happier. It is such a freeing experience to be able to live by yourself and do the things that you want to do, without having to consult or include anyone else on the plans. I relish these times and look forward to the day when J. and I have an honest to goodness place of our own.

Are you kidding me??

No crosshairs yet? I am on CD 20, and after my charting software gave me CH on CD 10 (yes 10), they promptly took them away, and now I don't know what to think. No one ever tells you that sometimes making a baby can be difficult and frustrating. I know, I know, its only been a few months, I can speak for myself when I say I am impatient...
I am having a rough week....we came back from our vacation, and walk right into the same crap as we usually do. MIL bitches about money we owe her for car insurance, and quickly forgets that they owe us from several months ago when my husband paid for two weeks of rental car service so she could go to Virginia. She doesn't seem to understand that they have to pay us back for that, or eat the cost of car insurance for a few months to make up for it. FIL just barely shows his face day to day, and generally stays out of conversation.
On the positive side, J. and I have started talking about other options to moving to Ann Arbor....I am still worried that he will have a problem on the drive home, and I would have no way to get to him, but those are all things we are trying to work out.
I should really blog more, but I don't like to sound as if I am always bitching. I am happy, but I want to be happier.

Just a lil shout out!

LOL. A bunch of ladies from the local nest board met together on Friday night and we had a blast! Well I had a blast, I guess I really cannot speak for anyone else. It was so much fun to get away for a bit, not to have to eat dinner with my in-laws, and to gossip and talk about stuff IRL (for those of you who don't know the lingo IRL=In Real Life). I had not met a few of the ladies and I wish I had had a better chance to talk to them. But maybe next time. I really hope that I didn't make a fool of myself and that they don't think I am a loser or something...cause sometimes I feel like they are the only people that really understand my frustrations. Anyway, ladies it was fun, and we should do it again soon!!

I went to church the other night.

I have never been the kind of person who goes to church every sunday, nor have I ever found what I was looking for religiously in a mainstream church environment. Since a child I have been most comfortable at my mothers church, a spiritualist church. Open to anyone and everyone, it is a place where you must come with an open mind and heart.
Anyway, I went to church on thursday night, I usually go when I am feeling the most unsure about my current situation, knowing that I will find the answer I am looking for. Not always the answer I am hoping for but an answer none the less. Well I found my answers...not the happy pleasant answers, but I came to the realization that I am truly not happy. I really have to push myself to find who I am, or more precisely who I was. Before the marriage, the wedding, before I met my husband, I had a perfect vision of what my life was to be like. I had overcome the sadness and dismay of losing my father, the one person who truly believed in my talent and pushed me to pursue my music. I have lost that, and I need to get it back. I have a lot of work to do to get back there, but I believe that it can be done.
On another note, I am back at CD2, and last month however beautiful my chart was, we did not have success making a baby. I will not deny that I was dissappointed, but there are always lessons to be learned from everything. I have learned that my body is really responding to the weightloss and exercise. My body is working properly, and I am ovulating. I will get my BFP.

So I have to AW!

I have hit the 25 pound loss mark. I have been working my butt off, going to the gym, even when I didn't want to. Skipping desserts, eating the right things, and it is working!!! I really am so very proud. It is not easy to eat right when everyone else in your home eats everything you used to love. There isn't a dinner that doesn't include a side dish I am not to eat. My will power has just been amazing. I just want soo bad to be healthy and to have babies, and I think it just might happen.

I am also 9 DPO, and probably will test at 12 DPO. That might be too early but I have an OB weight check appointment, and I am unsure about what to do. Will they test me if I ask?? I am just not sure, so I have a $Tree test hid away for just such an occasion. Our timing was really great and I just cannot wait to know for sure if we were successful.

I just wanted to AW here, I am sure the nestie girls are getting sick of my incessant postings.....LOL

3 DPO!!!

I thought it wasn't going to happen, but OMG I am finally seeing for sure definite crosshairs on my chart. Of course, immediately I have all sorts of phantom symptoms, but really who knows what may happen. Our timing was decent...even got a high score on the timing indicator, and if I were to conceive I would be due 4-11-09. Just what we need in my family, another April birthday.....my family already has 6 in April and DH....there are I think two or three. I guess I will just have to wait it out. I go in a little over a week back to the doctor for a check-in...and wouldn't she be surprised if I came in with a BFP! I just keep thinking in my head "Oh please let me see a BFP!!"

I hate Laundry.

I mean I really hate it....it does not help that I have to precisely time the moment my MIL finishes using the washer and dryer, as to not interfere with her laundry, but random FIL underwear always, and I mean always end up in my hamper....why oh why must I do laundry. And it seems that no matter how often I do laundry there is still a shload of it the next time around. In reality laundry is not such a horrible chore, but if there is anyone in this world that actually likes doing laundry...well you can come and visit and do mine as long as you'd like!

Contemplating this Life.

As I sit and watch my new DVD of "Sword in the Stone" I started to contemplate what my life would be like if I were not a newlywed....and moreover, what it would be like if I had not met Josh in the first place. Four years ago I was suffering a slight depression, a general feeling of disdain for the direction in which my life was going. Oh I was happy enough, missed my dad every day since he passed in 2001, but I was poor, lonely, and trying to find out who I was. I wasn't looking for a relationship, I was really pretty content to think that I would never date anyone, always be alone, watch my sisters get married and have children....Spend every summer watching Gidget and Anne of Green Gables, like every other summer since I had turned 16. Funny how things happen I guess, but when I least expect it, Bam! there he was, the love of my life...So what would be going on if I had not met him and got married....I probably wouldn't be busting my ass to lose weight, try to get healthy so that I can get pregnant, I would probably be wasting my time, working in a job that I hated (quit that job months ago, if only I had been able to see into the future). Wouldn't be getting ready to move to Michigan and start my life...

I would have to say that I am so happy about how my life has turned out thus far. I have a man in my life that loves and cares for me, who would do anything for me, and wants to protect me. He has opened my life to so many exciting possibilities, and I am grateful for this life.

I do want to AW, I weighed myself today, and since I began working out and living a low carb lifestyle, I have lost 21 pounds and 14 inches from my body. It has been 6 weeks and I am proud of that accomplishment.

I suppose that you never know what will happen in your life, but the best you can do is hold on and prepare for that exciting ride.

My First Blog

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my first blog. I cannot promise anything poignant or profound, but I hope to be able to vent, muse, wonder, and giggle my way through the next point in my life. Being newly married seems like it would be exciting and wonderful, but I feel in a rut. Waiting impatiently for things to change. When will I get the memo that I am married now and my real life can begin? Sometimes I wonder, will it ever feel different than now? Don't get me wrong, I have a blessed existence, but I cannot help but wonder, when will the other shoe drop?