I have been thinking...

I never like to really put my beliefs out there because I do not like the conflict that can sometimes ensue when you have passionate people around you who may not believe as you do. But I have come to the realization that this is my blog, and I can post what I want to. So there..haha. Anyway, J. came across this somewhere and I found it to be quite interesting. It goes fast so if you are a slow reader you may want to follow the suggestion to use the pause button during the video. I hope that it at the very least makes you think...I do not want to get into a debate over who is the better person, because I have my belief and you have your own, and no matter what we say to each other the chances are we wont change either of our minds. So watch it or don't, comment or don't, either way, I wanted to put it out there.

Boring life

So there is nothing going on now in my life that is blog worthy. Maybe I should start making things up. Tomorrow is my weight check and I lost weight, but didn't bring in the big numbers like the past two months. I feel really bad about that, like I should have done more. There's not much I can do about it now, but I still feel kinda "failureish."
J. has been working so hard his boss is making him leave by three on friday, so Yay for early start to the weekend. Everyone at his work seems to really like him there, and he apparently has been impressing everyone with his work. I am so proud of him and how he has really taken to his job. It is hard to imagine that he has only been there since April.
Nothing much new on the "home" front. But my patience is wearing thin. I know that we need to save money and all that, but I seriously have some concerns about staying here much longer. Another winter in this damp house is not going to be good for my health. The bathroom downstairs is attrocious, and moldy. I don't even like to think about the bathroom too much.
Well for not having anything to say this is quite a post....

CD1 where are you???

I saw the monumental temp drop today, and the spotting, show your ugly face already and let me move on to the next cycle....so I can be hopeful again.
Life seems so dismal right now. I have hit a weight loss plateau and I feel like it is all my fault. I dont know how much more I can do to get myself back on track, I guess everyone goes through it but sometimes it is so discouraging. I had horribly depressing time at Cedar Point the other day, I walked and didn't complain, but I had to get off a couple rides because I couldn't buckle the belts. Talk about embarrassing. I was humiliated, and discouraged, I really felt worse for J. He was so excited about going, and had to spend most of the day riding roller coasters all alone. I had an ok time, but it would have been better if I had been able to experience it with my husband more.
On the plus side, I get to spend the weekend away. A weekend at my sisters house can feel like a month, it is so relaxing...quiet and serene. Just the kind of place I need right now. And she has a treadmill, so I will be able to walk, even if I cannot work out for a few days.

Speaking of working out, I am going to get ready to work out, maybe that will help lift my mood.

So little to talk about.

My life has been pretty standard these past few days and I really have had nothing of note to talk about. My chart finally has come to the conclusion that I ovulated on CD21. Much to my relief. It makes more sense and I am happy that I am finally in the real TWW (two week wait).
We are spending the next few weeks dog sitting for various people...and it is awesomely wonderful. My sister and her husband are going away for their 1 year anniversary next week and we are going to stay with the dogs and take care of them. It is like 25 minutes away from Ann Arbor, and J. will get to see just how lovely it is to not have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to get ready for work. Then after they get home we have to leave immediately to come home and watch the dog, because MIL and FIL are leaving to go to Virginia. This will be the first time in a very long time that both of them are going to visit SIL, and I couldn't be happier. It is such a freeing experience to be able to live by yourself and do the things that you want to do, without having to consult or include anyone else on the plans. I relish these times and look forward to the day when J. and I have an honest to goodness place of our own.

Are you kidding me??

No crosshairs yet? I am on CD 20, and after my charting software gave me CH on CD 10 (yes 10), they promptly took them away, and now I don't know what to think. No one ever tells you that sometimes making a baby can be difficult and frustrating. I know, I know, its only been a few months, I can speak for myself when I say I am impatient...
I am having a rough week....we came back from our vacation, and walk right into the same crap as we usually do. MIL bitches about money we owe her for car insurance, and quickly forgets that they owe us from several months ago when my husband paid for two weeks of rental car service so she could go to Virginia. She doesn't seem to understand that they have to pay us back for that, or eat the cost of car insurance for a few months to make up for it. FIL just barely shows his face day to day, and generally stays out of conversation.
On the positive side, J. and I have started talking about other options to moving to Ann Arbor....I am still worried that he will have a problem on the drive home, and I would have no way to get to him, but those are all things we are trying to work out.
I should really blog more, but I don't like to sound as if I am always bitching. I am happy, but I want to be happier.

Just a lil shout out!

LOL. A bunch of ladies from the local nest board met together on Friday night and we had a blast! Well I had a blast, I guess I really cannot speak for anyone else. It was so much fun to get away for a bit, not to have to eat dinner with my in-laws, and to gossip and talk about stuff IRL (for those of you who don't know the lingo IRL=In Real Life). I had not met a few of the ladies and I wish I had had a better chance to talk to them. But maybe next time. I really hope that I didn't make a fool of myself and that they don't think I am a loser or something...cause sometimes I feel like they are the only people that really understand my frustrations. Anyway, ladies it was fun, and we should do it again soon!!

I went to church the other night.

I have never been the kind of person who goes to church every sunday, nor have I ever found what I was looking for religiously in a mainstream church environment. Since a child I have been most comfortable at my mothers church, a spiritualist church. Open to anyone and everyone, it is a place where you must come with an open mind and heart.
Anyway, I went to church on thursday night, I usually go when I am feeling the most unsure about my current situation, knowing that I will find the answer I am looking for. Not always the answer I am hoping for but an answer none the less. Well I found my answers...not the happy pleasant answers, but I came to the realization that I am truly not happy. I really have to push myself to find who I am, or more precisely who I was. Before the marriage, the wedding, before I met my husband, I had a perfect vision of what my life was to be like. I had overcome the sadness and dismay of losing my father, the one person who truly believed in my talent and pushed me to pursue my music. I have lost that, and I need to get it back. I have a lot of work to do to get back there, but I believe that it can be done.
On another note, I am back at CD2, and last month however beautiful my chart was, we did not have success making a baby. I will not deny that I was dissappointed, but there are always lessons to be learned from everything. I have learned that my body is really responding to the weightloss and exercise. My body is working properly, and I am ovulating. I will get my BFP.