Saturday, August 2, 2008

I went to church the other night.

I have never been the kind of person who goes to church every sunday, nor have I ever found what I was looking for religiously in a mainstream church environment. Since a child I have been most comfortable at my mothers church, a spiritualist church. Open to anyone and everyone, it is a place where you must come with an open mind and heart.
Anyway, I went to church on thursday night, I usually go when I am feeling the most unsure about my current situation, knowing that I will find the answer I am looking for. Not always the answer I am hoping for but an answer none the less. Well I found my answers...not the happy pleasant answers, but I came to the realization that I am truly not happy. I really have to push myself to find who I am, or more precisely who I was. Before the marriage, the wedding, before I met my husband, I had a perfect vision of what my life was to be like. I had overcome the sadness and dismay of losing my father, the one person who truly believed in my talent and pushed me to pursue my music. I have lost that, and I need to get it back. I have a lot of work to do to get back there, but I believe that it can be done.
On another note, I am back at CD2, and last month however beautiful my chart was, we did not have success making a baby. I will not deny that I was dissappointed, but there are always lessons to be learned from everything. I have learned that my body is really responding to the weightloss and exercise. My body is working properly, and I am ovulating. I will get my BFP.

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